Indigo
by kodak-85
Summary: A series of short stories told from Sasuke's P.O.V., events taking places before, during, or after those in 'Purple'. Delve into the mind of the lonely and insane.
1. Wander

**Author's Notes: **This is just a series of one-shots from Sasuke's point-of-view, and have taken places before, during, or after the events in _Purple_. If you haven't read _Purple _yet, it might be confusing, but I suppose that they can stand alone. These are just pieces I felt like writing in Sasuke's P.O.V., so they can either be very short, long, unfinished... plot without plot? If there's any that exceed the R rating, I'll post a link to them in my profile.

This story takes place six years after _Purple _left off.

--

"What you see is what you get (don't you know). Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker. Look at me and don't forget (don't you know). Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers."

-Line and Sinker, by _**Billy Talent**_

--

_Patter patter patter_

_…plink_

Sasuke winced, debating momentarily whether it was worth the effort to get up and put a pot under the leak he knew the plumber hadn't fixed. He knew that a storm was imminent from the moment he'd looked over his morning cup of coffee and into the world outside his window, the skies heavy and rolling in gray misery. He smelled the ozone. Sasuke knew that he should have put a basin on the living room coffee table, right where the leak was, but he didn't. No need to give Naruto the satisfaction.

_"I can fix I myself!" _the blond man had huffed two days ago_. "You don't need to waste money on what a butter knife and a ninety-nine cent bucket of spackle can--"_

_"I want the hole in the roof fixed, not to get a permanent sun roof," _Sasuke had replied coolly. _"I'm calling the plumber."_

_Plink plink plink_

_I should get up._

_Plink_

_The table will be ruined._

_Plink_

_It's wood. It'll swell. It'll be permanent, like a cup ring stain._

_Plink_

_…but it's warm here._

It was rare for Sasuke to wake up in the middle of the night during Spring to find Naruto laying against his chest. The air outside was warm, and the heat generally repelled the two to keep a several-inch-wide gap between their bodies. But there he was. The warm, naked skin of his lover's chest stuck to his, sweat pant-clad legs entwined with his own, yet it wasn't as uncomfortable as it should have been. Just comforting.

Sasuke pondered over this for a few moments. As if unconsciously, his right hand drifted up to sift pale fingers through a tangled mop of wild blond hair. He stroked Naruto's scalp gently with the pads of his fingers, wondering why he wasn't pushing the warm weight off of himself. The humidity was enough to make it grow uncomfortable at some point in the immediate future, so why not just--

Sasuke's hand stopped moving.

He knew why he wasn't moving away.

It was a testament to the unstable condition of his mindset that rain reminded Sasuke of that night. He remembered it clearly, vividly, as if he'd just seen it play across the TV screen they had mounted on their bedroom wall. Remembered it, like he held snapshots in his hands. But he didn't. He had something in his arms much more precious, and much more painful of a reminder, something pictures would never be able to accomplish.

But still… Sasuke was never able to explain rain.

That day was clear. Clouds had hung ominously in the sky that morning, but they'd cleared by noon. The sky was cloudless, unbearably so, the sunset so bright, so _red_

_Plink_

No. Sasuke could not explain away the rain.

It had been years, six of them, since Naruto had kissed him for the first time. Six years since the worst sin imaginable was committed. Not the unholy deed that had occurred eight years before that. Not the sin that Sasuke lived each day, not the sin he was forced to taste in the morning coffee, or the sin that stung his eyes when they made contact with Naruto's.

The worst. The worst---

_Plink_

Oddly enough, the rain didn't bring Sasuke guilt. Quite the opposite, in fact. It made him feel brave. It brought back to him some of the confidence he vaguely remembered from childhood.

_Tell him._

_No, I can't._

_Tell him. He loves you._

_Tell him?_

_Tell him._

_Tell him._

_He loves you._

But for Sasuke, therein lay the problem. Just as he was sure of the fact that raindrops would gravitate towards the crust of the Earth, he was sure of the fact that Naruto did not love him. Naruto loved him like he'd love the last person on the Earth. Even if that person had slaughtered millions, burned the forests to the ground, drained every lake, polluted every ocean, he would still be the only other person on the planet. The only link to sanity. The only person who could relate to him, even at the most primitive level.

That was the problem with people like Naruto and Sasuke. It was a one-in-a-million shot that they found people as deeply rooted in loneliness as they themselves were. An even greater miracle that they'd met a second time.

_Plink. Plink._

_Patterpatterpatterplinkplatterplink_

Naruto loved the only connection he'd ever known. And it was his own naïve nature, his own ignorance, that kept him from realizing this.

_Plink_

And Sasuke took advantage of it.

There was movement on his shoulder, and Sasuke's hand retracted from Naruto's hair like it had been burned. Sasuke had been awake for quite some time, and his eyes, adjusted to the dark, could make out the blurry face of his lover who was blearily blinking his eyes before burying his face back into Sasuke's shoulder, grounding down as if to rub the sleep from his face. Sasuke chuckled, his voice still hoarse from sleep, his throat burning with the sound. It hurt. Like vomit, the words were bubbling at the back of his throat. This was dangerous. He wanted Naruto to keep his head there, and wait until after it stopped raining to wake up. The rain had to stop. It always stopped. It would pass, and so would this. This courage. This bravery. The will to do the right thing.

It made Sasuke sick. Fear slashed apart his insides, reset them in foreign places, made his eyes burn with tears his pride would never let free.

Of course, Naruto wouldn't stay asleep like he was supposed to. Slowly he lifted his head from Sasuke shoulder, fixed his boyfriend with a sleepy look, and murmured, "I wake you up?"

"No." _Go back to sleep, Naruto, now._

Like vomit, in the back of his throat.

_Plink_

"You want me to gedoff?"

"No, Naruto, it's fine. Go back to sleep." Sasuke was barely noticing the over-bearing warmth right now. His whole body was on fire. It was the greatest contradiction of feelings he'd ever felt, which was saying something. His adrenaline rushed like he'd received the best news of his life, only that news was just a death warrant.

_Is that what I want? To die?_

_To tell him?_

_He doesn't love me. He'll kill me. Or worse…_

_An excuse to die._

_…he'd leave me…._

_Is it worth it? Is the truth worth it?_

_…worse then that…_

_To die? __**Die**__?_

_…I wouldn't let him leave._

_Plink._

Naruto remained mercifully quiet for a while. Their room smelled strongly of ozone and the scent of the soap they'd used in the shower. The things they'd done in that shower. Sasuke held tighter, and Naruto shifted in his grip. Then….

"Sasuke? Did you leave the faucet on?"

Sasuke sighed. "No. Go to sleep."

"I hear water dripping."

"It's the rain. Now shut up and---"

"Sasuke, is that the leak in the ceiling?"

Sasuke grimaced, not saying anything. He knew it wasn't the wisest choice of action, but he was reluctant to trust himself with words. Naruto's pride, at the moment, seemed trivial to the full-blown war waging in Sasuke's head. It was ironic.

_Isn't this what it's all about? Naruto's pride? His pride as a man, his pride as a human being with rights? Pride is such a silly thing. It's disgusting how trivial it is, really. Trivial. Trivial. This will pass. It'll pass._

_**Tell him.**_

To Sasuke's horror, words were being formed by his traitorous lips. "Naruto, I--"

But Naruto cut him off. "I knew it, you bastard!" He was leaning up now, one hand planted on each side of Sasuke's chest, the Asian man's arms still wrapped loosely about his shoulders."You knew it wasn't fixed, didn't you?"

All he wanted to say then, back fourteen years ago, back six years ago, during it, after it, every day that passed between then and now, was sorry. A sorry. Words, words, words,

_They'll do nothing to help, nothing, you'll both die, it isn't worth it, just suffer through it--_

_Patterpatter_

_It'll go away, it always does._

_Shutupshutup._

"Didn't you!?" Naruto punched Sasuke lightly on the shoulder. He wasn't angry, just making fun of him. Sasuke's arms felt heavy. Naruto sank down an inch. All he wanted, then, during, after, now, was

_Plink_

"I'm sorry."

_So sorry, Naruto. But I can't._

Naruto blinked, not expecting an apology. Slowly, he inched down. "What?"

Sasuke didn't reply. He felt like Naruto was a misplaced organ, and he had to pull it back. So he did, managing to secure Naruto's head beneath his chin, his cool chest pressing tightly against his, his thighs clamping around Naruto's leg like a death trap.

_I'm sorry._

Naruto struggled for a few moments, but Sasuke refused to relent. If anything he held on tighter, waiting out the resistance, which predictably ended half a minute later with a scoff and a sighed, "Fine, stupid. You just don't wanna admit you were wrong."

Sasuke's grip tightened around Naruto's torso.

"Oi, loosen up, Uchiha." Surname. He was serious. Or pissed. Probably the latter. Naruto had admitted to Sasuke once that he felt like a woman when he was held so tightly, almost possessively. It didn't set right for him for some unknown reason. Unknown to Naruto, not to Sasuke. Sasuke knew what Naruto's subconscious knew, something the blond refused to see for himself. "If you give me bruises, I'm going to throttle you--"

"Shut up and go back to sleep, _usuratokachi_," Sasuke muttered, pulling out a nickname he hadn't used in a while."

"That table's wood. It'll stain."

"The rain will stop eventually."

"What? Does that even make sense? I'm talking about the water _now_, Sasuke."

"It'll stop." _It has to stop. It always does._

Sasuke expected a longer argument. What he really should have expected was to be wrong, which he was half the time. Naruto's behavior had the consistency of a forecast for a summer storm. There were clear options as to which way he would head, but never an accurate prediction as to which one he would choose. A muffled, "Whatever," came from somewhere below Sasuke's chin before a pair of warm lips pressed a chaste kiss to his collarbone.

It's what Sasuke liked. What he'd always wanted. A little unpredictable storm that, no matter what surprises it threw, couldn't leave. Wouldn't leave. Leaving was no longer an option for Naruto. Sasuke had spent years making this so. _Years. Years. Years of lies._

_The rain will stop._

Sasuke ran his hands up and down Naruto's back. Felt the muscles. Felt them turn to a puddle under his touch. Felt the warm weight shift closer, closer,

_It always stops._

_Stupid, _Sasuke called himself, stroking muscles he'd long since memorized. _Stupid. It wasn't raining that night._

_It'll pass._

_It always does._


	2. Mercy Shot

Sasuke and his family used to go on camping trips when he was younger and they alive. Sasuke hadn't liked nature since he was seven. He'd forgotten, by now, what it was like to love the woods and rivers. To look forward to the feel of grass between his toes as opposed to refusing to go outside without at least a pair of socks. Sasuke had forgotten when he started admiring the scenery he saw in paintings, macabre and realism alike, as opposed to the trees outside his window. Only when he thought about it could he remember, that clear line that separated his two minds.

When he was five they'd been in the camper, heading down from the forest. Itachi was fast asleep, a large pair of headphones hanging askew over his ears. Sasuke was looking outside, brushing the soft interior of the back of the driver's seat with the tips of his toes. Missing the grass. Missing the moss, and the water, the scratchy feeling of the inside of the sleeping bag, the--

_Bang_

What child, at some point, didn't learn about death?

_Which of us shoots the other first?_

His father instructed them all to wait in the car before he pushed open the door and stepped outside. The ten 'o clock sky was dark, dotted with stars and lightened to a light gray where the darkness surrounded the thin sliver of moon that hovered above them all. Sasuke swung his feet back and forth, the back of his heels hitting his seat and his toes hitting his mother's. She told him to stop, paused, and then stepped outside to join his father.

Itachi, who had just woken up, slipped the headphones back over his ears when Sasuke began to question him. How would I know? he asked, then, Stop bugging me. He was tired. Always cranky when he was tired, Sasuke remembered. He used to think Itachi had constant nightmares to put him in such a bad mood when he awoke. Maybe he was right.

A few minutes later, his mother climbed into the front of the seat with a grim expression on her face. Through the darkness Sasuke could see her jaw tense like a wire trap.

His father didn't rejoin them. Instead, he popped the trunk and began to rummage for something. He found it after a long moment or so and slammed the trunk shut once more. Interest thoroughly piqued, noting his mother's closed eyes and Itachi's determinedly shut ones, Sasuke leaned over to pear out the window.

Outside, strewn across the gravel in front of their car, illuminated by the headlights, was a young doe, her chest split wide like lips coated thickly in lipstick, drooling onto the ground like wine with chunks sliding out, thick slugs in the artificial light.

Sasuke couldn't look at it look. The eyes shown in the night, darting. Legs were kicking, and he worried the deer would break them.

_bang_

The legs twitched, slumped. The noise caused Itachi to slide his headphones from his ears and lean over to Sasuke's side of the car to get a better look. His mother sniffed, hand reaching up to cover her eyes around five seconds too late….

And now, many years later, Sasuke watched Naruto run back from the car, arms laden with grocery bags, trying to avoid getting too wet from the rain.

"Would it hurt you to help?" Naruto asked moodily. Sasuke sniffed at him. In his head, he was picturing Naruto with a bleeding chest, but with wonderful, gorgeous broken legs. Like broken wings on a bird.

_don't leave me_

While he helped unload the brushes and paint tins, letting Naruto ramble on about how dull the colors were, how they should have gotten bright colors for the kitchen, at least, you stubborn bastard, Sasuke wondered which one of them deserved the mercy shot more.


End file.
